My name is Kelsey, and I'm studying to be an archaeologist. I am a lover of all things weird, wonderous, and whimsical.Ask me anything
A Human’s Guide To Surviving the Twilight of the Gods
- If you should see a Valkyrie, refrain from asking if you’re going to get to go to Valhalla because you did a heroic thing that one time. Trust me, it wasn’t, and Valkyries do not like being asked idiotic questions.
- If you notice an oddly large wolf running loose in the company of a large snake, please stay calm, ignore it, and go about your business.
- There may be earthquakes. Please follow standard earthquake safety procedures. Please do not look directly at the sky for more than a minute during the Last Battle of the Gods, as this may cause blindness, discomfort, itching, and a sense of hopelessness.
- Prophecy is prophecy and cannot be tampered with—so no matter how much you want to interfere in any and all battles of the gods, refrain from doing so.
- DO NOT ENGAGE ANY PERSON OR ANIMAL WITH CHARACTERISTICS THAT INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO: red hair, oddly green eyes, good-looking, quick/sharp wit, suspicious behavior, etc.
- Since only two humans will survive and there are about six billion of you on Midgard, your odds are not good. If your name is Lif or Lifthraser, please meet at your designated emergency area and evacuate to Mimir’s Holt ASAP. If not, please stay inside your homes and die with honor. Valhalla is very nice. We have some brochures that may be ordered at this address: Odin Box 84, Valhalla, Asgard, Nine Realms, Yggdrasil.
- If legions of the undead are swarming your home, you are more than welcome to lodge a complaint with Hela, although you may not live to see any results. We apologize for the inconvenience.
Sometimes when my mom couldn’t find me in a store she’d make whale noises until I responded. It was like Marco Polo but much more embarrassing.
Have you ever been so angry with a job that you’ve wanted to light the store on fire?
I have a meeting today with my boss and I’m freaking out a little because he’s taking me to lunch for the meeting and I don’t know what to wear or what the meeting is about and UUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH HOW DO I ADULT?!